To Protect & Serve or to Annoy & Harass?

Last night I was pulled over while driving my wife's car. The police said that they pulled me over for having an expired tag and that driving around with an expired tag is a felony for which I could have been arrested. So I decided to look up the penalties for driving with an expired tag and guess what I found? The fine for driving with an expired tag is just under $100, plus points on my license, unless I was to contest it then I'd have to pay court costs as well in court. Those penalties don't sound like I'd be getting arrested!

What it does sound like to me is the unending oppressive abuse of power that I've experienced many times before! Let's take a look at the scene....a man who's dressed in a suit, who has his wife and 2 month old baby with him, heading home after picking up dinner, wasn't speeding, didn't make an illegal turn, didn't run a red light, and who gave the officers no attitude whatsoever....why threaten said man with being arrested for having an expired tag? Did that man have anything in his background when you ran his ID that would suggest that you need to be that aggressive with him? Did he make any kind of snide remark to you...such as calling you a pig? Did he call you a donut wrangler? Did he cause any kind of commotion or make a scene? NO! He pulled over as soon as you said to, he gave you his ID, insurance, etc. upon request. All he did was follow your instructions.

Did I get a ticket last night??? NO...why? Because the Altamonte Springs Police Department is more about trying to build a reputation about themselves that they can do WHATEVER they want....WHENEVER they want! It's these kinds of things that make people not like the police. Granted, I know they do serve a purpose, but harassing people, wasting their time, and threatening them isn't called for! He had my family sitting in our car for close to 40 minutes last night as they ran my license....and checked my background and continued to ask me stupid questions...they even went so far as to come to the front of my vehicle to check the VIN number to make sure that I hadn't stolen the vehicle....ARE YOU KIDDING ME? So it's not enough that my name is on the insurance for this vehicle, or that my name is on the registration....YOU STILL HAVE TO "CHECK" TO MAKE SURE I DIDN'T STEAL THIS VEHICLE??? GET OUT OF HERE WITH THAT NONSENSE!!! Looking at me and my FAMILY....I really look like I fit the profile of a car thief??? Seriously? I'm just thankful that my 2 month old son isn't old enough to know what happened last night? And only hope that as he gets older, he won't have to deal with the profiling that his father has had to deal with throughout his life!

Stay safe out there.....Big brother isn't watching.....BUT THE POLICE ARE!!!

UPDATE:

Shockingly (not really) the police are at it again, harassing black people for no reason except this time it's not the Altamonte Springs Police Department....it's the Casselberry Police Department. I won't even bother trying to explain what happened. Just know it's way worse than the detaining my family and I faced back when my son was 2 months old. I think the video footage will speak for itself.

http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshh3kEqo5SGzrR7G0c5

Once again this shows that it doesn't matter if you know the law, or even if the police are committing a crime. If you're black....you're presumed guilty until proven innocent. Notice how once they've tasered him a couple times and he's then cuffed and on the ground, the police officer then sees that the black man who was minding his business is carrying a weapon.

Throughout the whole video the weapon was never shown, never brandished or anything like that. He's a licensed gun owner and has a license to carry a concealed weapon. So it's not like he had his gun out and the cops were reacting to seeing someone with a gun out. Like this video....

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPcvSsvEt2c

So not only was this white man reported as walking with his gun out, but upon the cops attempting to search him and seize his gun...a supervisor was called and the supervisor put an end to the unnecessary harassment and let the gentleman go on about his business.

My question is, why is there such a disparity between how whites and blacks are treated by the police? Someone called the cops about this white man walking with his gun out and was let go. The black man was questioned about crossing the street without having a "walk now" light. Did he really commit a crime? No, the first officer said himself he committed an infraction....and then proceeded to assault the victim by using a taser on him and attempting to arrest him. How can you charge him with resisting arrest when initially you said he wasn't under arrest and you just wanted his ID?

This is just another example of the Central Florida Police Department's abuse of their power in an attempt to strengthen their reputation in the community! The police officer followed his "suspect" across the street and waited for him to leave from cashing his check at Amscot and then began questioning him for NO REASON! Is this the society we have to live in? That a black man who's working, paying his taxes, and generally being a good citizen can be questioned, tased, and detained illegally just because a cop decides that he looks suspicious?

Being that I live in Central Florida....this increasing problem scares me, and has me wondering what kind of future my son will have if the police who are supposed to be "serving & protecting" can do as they please with little recourse to hold them accountable.

All the man asked was for the cop to provide him a statute requiring him to provide his identification...and the cop didn't even feel that he was required to do so. Which according to 2012 Florida Statute 856.021, The only time it's lawful for a police officer to demand/request someone's identification is when they're are loitering or prowling in a particular place, at a time or in a manner not usual for law-abiding individuals, or if the person takes flight upon the arrival of police on the scene.

No where in the entire statute does it REQUIRE an individual to identify themselves. Especially if they're told up front that they've done nothing wrong. Police ARE NOT lawfully allowed to request ID from someone in order to "rule out" that they've been involved in any criminal activity. There MUST BE suspicion of a criminal act having taken place, or proof that criminal activity is currently taking place.

I guess it's not enough to be black and know your rights anymore! Because at this time it really doesn't matter because even when we're right as black people....we're still getting tased!

The officers involved here probably won't receive any disciplinary action and will continue to harass any black person whom they care to! The worst of all is that requesting a supervisor to be called to the scene doesn't even get considered by these cops as something that's necessary on their part.


J. Earl Smith
knourworth@hotmail.com
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495

From a Woman's Perspective

Usually on "You're Worth It", the information and views expressed are strictly from a males perspective, well today I've decided to do something different. For the first time (and definitely not the last), we're going to have a female weigh in on some of the subjects that we've discussed in the past. I'd like to introduce Jill J.


Jill J. is a well known Psychologist and Writer in the Atlanta area. For many years she’s worked with individuals and couples helping them to have strong and trusting relationships. Her work is diverse, in all areas of the community with many varied types of clients, all races, all levels of income and education. Jill is known for her directness and ability to get to the heart of the matter in a quick and efficient manner. Here she takes the time to share some personal insight:

1) How important do you feel it is for two people to be friends before they are romantically involved?

I think if there is chemistry it should be explored and developed before true intimacy becomes a part of the relationship. Many times people get themselves in trouble by mistaking lust for more than what it is and this often leads to unrealistic expectations and assumptions. Ideally, I think it’s possible to build a romance and a friendship at the same time but both parties have to be willing to contribute to the “building”.

2) What do you feel is the most important attribute to a successful relationship?

Bar none-Communication! I’m talking no holds barred open and direct communication.  You cannot have trust, affection, understanding, growth, or any vital characteristic of any authentic relationship without good communication. I’m talking communication where you can openly and honestly be yourself and express your true thoughts. Too many people, and I will generalize here…a lot of men, make the mistake of always being careful to tell their partner what they think their partner wants to hear. That always, always backfires in the end. If you have to wear kid gloves with the person you are with, guess what….Number One: You do NOT have an authentic relationship and Number Two: You are never going to be happy and will always feel resentful and frustrated. 

3) Do you feel it's someones responsibility to help boost their partner's self-esteem?

I do not think it is anyone’s responsibility to babysit anyone else’s ego.  I think if we truly love a person then “lifting them up” is something that comes naturally as part of our love for them.  I think we want to make them feel good and show them that we are proud of them, respect them and feel blessed to have them in our lives. That’s on the deepest level of love and if the love is real then this will happen without forethought or effort. Now as far as the silly stuff, i.e. “Does this make me look fat?” or “Was his bigger than mine?” I’m afraid you might not like what I have to say to that—Don’t ask those kind of questions if you don’t want to get your feelings hurt. Period.  All of us have insecurities and we always will but it is not healthy or realistic to think that anyone else can fix those for us or make them go away. If I am with you, I really want you to be stronger than that.  I’ll respect you more if you don’t ask those kind of questions.

4) Do you believe it's possible to place undue expectations on a new partner?

Yes I do. One of the biggest mistakes people make in a new relationship is bringing the garbage from their previous relationship with them and with that garbage also come the expectations of what is ideal. When we find a new person we want to see that ideal, we long to see that all of the things that were wrong with our previous Mr. or Ms. are all of the things that are right about our current one. Whether we want to admit it or not, many of us all base what we expect of our partner’s from what we grew up seeing in our parents or in the people who raised us. That’s why children of abused parents often pair with or marry abusers. It’s what they know. I think it’s healthy to outline expectations ahead of time. Certainly not the first few dates or even the first few months, but when you get to the point where you are assuming you’re exclusive with the other person it’s time to talk. Pay attention here- I said when YOU get to the point where YOU THINK you are exclusive”.  It’s important in any new relationship to monitor your own thoughts. Listen to the tape that’s playing in your head (not in  your heart and not in your pants) and you decide when it’s time to discuss expectations, boundaries, the future, etc.  Also, be willing to take time to examine your expectations, decide if they are realistic, if they are truly what you expect or are they just based on things that upset you in a past relationship that have nothing to do with your current situation. This is important for two reasons, once you know what you expect you can move forward authentically in a realistic way and also you may find that going forward could be a mistake. It’s always better to know sooner than later.

5) Do you subscribe to the reasoning "once a cheater, always a cheater"?
Yes and No. Yes because a it’s a proven fact that a person’s past behavior is the best indicator of what their future behavior will be. No because I believe that if the price is too high for someone, when it finally costs too much they can put that in the past and it can become a road they never want to go back down. That being said, I don’t think this happens very often but I have seen it and it’s a wonderful thing to witness; a person driven by that behavior turned into a person who’s disgusted by it.

6) In your opinion what's the difference between love & infatuation?

Love lasts, infatuation does not.  Love is internal, infatuation is external. Love comes from the inside out; infatuation comes from the outside in. They often feel the same and we confuse them as such.  Love sticks around regardless of what comes, infatuation does not. You can love someone and dislike them at the same time but you cannot be infatuated with anyone and feel dislike toward them at the same time. Once we feel that dislike, disgust, disillusionment we want to get away, we want to make a change. That’s how we know, it’s not true love. True love is a lot more accepting than infatuation.

7) Is it possible to have sex too soon in a relationship?

It depends on the goal. If you want long term, then build a friendship first. If you want just fun, it doesn’t matter. Make sure you and the other person involved agree on this before you act.

There you have if straight from a recognized and respected psychologist. I guess my opinions weren't that far off base!

I want to thank Jill J. for agreeing to this interview and making herself available to do it so quickly. Jill...you're awesome. Jill J. can be reached via Twitter: @IJCJ.

Hopefully, what you've read in this interview will help in you learn your true worth in your own relationships.

Remember...."You're Worth It".

J. Earl Smith

@JSmith2523 on Twitter

knourworth@hotmail.com

www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495

Interracial Relationships???

Can someone explain to me how it is that we're currently in 2011 and there are still people out here who feel that interracial dating is wrong?

I heard this brought up as an issue on a popular NY radio morning show. There was a young black woman who was being cheated on by her husband. The husband was cheating on his wife with a white woman and had fathered a little boy with her, while he and his wife had no children but were trying to start a family. Initially I really felt sorry for the wife who was being cheated on because her husband's extra marital affair had been going on for over two years. But my pity and compassion for the embittered wife quickly turned to dismay upon her reaction...not in anger, not toward her unfaithful husband but toward his mistress! And her anger wasn't simply from the heartbreak of being cheated on, her anger toward the woman took an ugly hateful turn toward being racially motivated.

Although obviously angry at the situation that she's been thrust into live on national radio, her responses were uncalled for. She insinuated that all "white girls" were whores (her words not mine) who'd have sex with anyone and that because white girls will give it up to anyone, it's a possibility that any of the black players on his football team could have fathered her child!

Now I understand that she's angry....but why turn it personal against the woman who's trying to inform you that your husband has been lying to you? Was it really necessary to say that she feels "all white girls" are whores, or that they all sleep around? Not in my opinion...because that just not true, and it's incredibly inflammatory to cast such a broad generalized stereotype about a certain race of people! Now the husband that was cheating, claimed that it was a one-time thing and that he doesn't have a relationship with the "alleged" mistress. So the mistress speaks up and says "so I don't matter...we were a one-time thing, how is that when I cook for you every other night? Without hesitation, the wife jumps in..."see, now I know you lying...white girls don't cook...they only good for you know."

That whole situation got me thinking...why are there some black people so opposed to dating outside of their own race/nationality? I've been in this debate with many a person and there's nothing logical that anyone can say as to why interracial dating is wrong! I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. Why continue spreading hatred and inequality through our society...isn't there enough of that already? I interviewed a few black women that very question and I was quite surprised by the reasoning behind some of their responses. There were quite a few who felt that interracial dating/marriage was wrong or inappropriate. While none of them could give me a good explanation of their feelings, most of them had some previous personal issue with a woman or women of a different race, or they were raised to think or feel a certain way. Now me personally, I see absolutely nothing wrong with interracial dating/marriage. And when I brought up that point to these various ladies, they all responded by saying that my opinion didn't count because I married a black woman. While that is true, that's not to say that I've never dated a woman of another race. The last serious girlfriend I had before I met my wife was Italian. And there were a slew of other nationalities that I've dated in the past. I guess it's just the way I was raised. My mom instilled in me the mentality that no one is better than someone else because of their gender, race, or background! While, yes, I married a black woman, I didn't marry her because she was black, I married her because she's the woman I fell in love with. If the aforementioned Italian girl hadn't had so many emotional and family problems and wasn't looking to me to be some kind of knight in shining armor to come rescue her, who's to say that I wouldn't have fallen in love with her and things wouldn't have worked out differently.

Anyway, as I previously stated, we're in 2011. This is not 1960's Mississippi where even common amenities are segregated. Blacks and women can vote, women aren't strictly meant to be housewives, and hey there's even a black president! So if time has seen those things come to an change for the better...isn't it about time to get rid of this absolutely asinine mode of thinking that people should only date or marry within their own race?

Remember....."You're Worth It"

Find me @JSmith2523 on Twitter
www.learntoknowurworth.blogspot.com
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495

Forgiveness! Is it Warranted....if so, When?

OK, I've heard many different people voice their opinions about a popular r&b artist who apparently has temper/anger control issues. Too many people (in my opinion) are defending his actions and saying that his violent outbursts are other people's fault. I'm not saying that the line of questioning in this most recent outburst had nothing to do with it happening...but as @MrEdLover would say "C'MON SON!!!" How long are people (usually devoted fans) going to make up excuses for Chris Brown? How long is Chris Brown going to have outbursts like this and think that a simple apology on a popular music video show is going to make everything OK?

Now....as one black man to another, I'm not trying to tear down Chris Brown like some kind of "crab in a barrel", but in all honesty...with no hate involved...Chris Brown does need some serious help. His reaction to the questions that Robin Roberts asked him regarding the whole Rhianna situation on Good Morning America was totally unnecessary and inappropriate! That kind of childish temper tantrum because you don't like the kind of questions that were asked is exactly the reason why I feel that he's going to continue making bad decisions and won't reach his full potential.

Regardless of whether he was asked whether he could be questioned about that incident or not, his management team has a share in blame for this happening! It's his management team's responsibility to prepare him mentally that these are the kinds of questions you're going to get when you go on an official show like a "Good Morning America". If he didn't want to get real introspective questions....he should have gone on MTV where they would have kept the questions strictly about the album. I don't believe that Robin Roberts has any fault in the incident that happened at the Good Morning America studios on Tuesday. She was doing her job just like any one of us would have done if we were asking the questions. So everyone trying to throw blame toward Ms. Roberts....please STOP!

But this leads me to another issue...where are the positive older black men that can and should be mentoring Chris Brown during this difficult time? I understand that there's a certain level of anger in most every black man for the difficult times that we face and the unequal treatment that we tend to receive, even when we're told that we're being given equal opportunities. Everyone knows that equal opportunity doesn't necessarily define itself and isn't exactly self-explanatory, but that's a whole other issue. What I'm getting at is this....where are the positive black men in the entertainment industry who could sit down with Chris Brown and help him really get his anger issues under control? I think about the way that former NFL Coach Tony Dungy reached out to and was there for Michael Vick during his trials and re-entrance back into society. And we all see how that's worked out. Vick is playing great football and has kept his nose clean for the most part, and part of that credit should go to Coach Dungy for his help in tutoring Vick how to grow up and be a man as well as how to keep those negative influences out of his life. Dungy also helped Vick learn how to react when posed with those difficult questions even when he didn't really want to answer those questions.

Bottom line....Chris Brown needs to find his Tony Dungy! Maybe Russell Simmons can help Brown the way Dungy helped Vick. Simmons sat down with Chris Brown on Wednesday night and spoke with him on various subjects. Hopefully Simmons taking an interest in Brown will lead to some positive character improvements in Brown that can help keep his name out of the limelight for the wrong reasons.

Russell Simmons story here: http://globalgrind.com/music/chris-brown-when-fame-snatches-your-freedom-russell-simmons

I do believe that forgiveness is warranted....but the offender's actions must show that it's deserved!

Remember...."You're Worth It"

J. Earl Smith
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
knourworth@hotmail.com

Real Men.....Are There Any Left???

I came across a disturbing story over the weekend that really made me question what's happening to the male gender in this day and age! Apparently, there's a growing rise of men who feel that it's okay to put their hands on women if they get into an argument with or feel they've been disrespected by said women.

In this particular story (which had a video) there was a young man and young woman in Atlanta, riding the bus who were arguing. I don't believe they knew each other, and didn't exactly catch what they were arguing about, but the guy was upset because the lady sitting in the seat in front of him apparently was (in his words) "getting in his business" while he was talking to another woman on the bus. The argument escalated and the guy stood up and addressed the woman who then stood up as well.

I thought that would be the end of it....some jawing back and forth, some expletives spewed toward one another.....but I didn't expect the guy to actually punch the woman in the face. Fortunately for her, there was an actual MAN on the bus as well who wasn't going to let that kind of action be tolerated. We'll call the man who intervened the "Good Samaritan"....because it would have been quite simple for him to turn a blind eye and not get involved....after all, it really was none of his business. But did he do that? No....he stepped up and promptly and physically intervened. Now....I'm not agreeing with his physically attacking the first guy, but in that scenario....I can't really say that I wouldn't have reacted in the same or similar fashion. I try to keep a level head and keep my temper under control....but violence toward women is one thing that makes my blood boil.

But how those types of things affect me is not really what this post is about. I want to try to figure out what's happened or is happening to our gender that would make them think that putting their hands on women is acceptable or even justifiable. I don't care what a woman says or does, no man has the right to put his hands on a woman. But what prompts or drives a man to act in such a cowardly way? In my opinion it stems from a lack of self-esteem in these men. They're insecure in themselves and thus feel the need to lash out when they perceive they're being confronted, challenged, or disrespected. Now these confrontations, challenges, or acts of disrespect aren't always necessarily actual. Sometimes these are perceived in their minds because they don't feel great about themselves personally.

Men who put their hands on women are the lowest being on the surface of the earth and there's one thing I've noticed with men who act in this manor....they rarely will "man up" and verbally confront....let alone physically confront another man who they feel has disrespected. Because they know that a real man....who's fighting for something worthwhile and not behaving like a punk....will always win out!

I never got a good look at the losers face in the video....but from his cowardly attack on a woman I can only say that justice was served when the "Good Samaritan" intervened and dealt with him like a man. Little boys throw temper tantrums and react out of emotion or allow what people may say to incite them to cowardly acts of violence. What ever happened to "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" When, where, and why did that line of reasoning ever die? A real man knows that although from a literal sense...words can actually hurt; words can and should have little control over his emotions regardless of what anyone may say.....whether that be a man or a woman....he should be able to act in a dignified manner at all times.

So again....I ask REAL MEN.....ARE THERE ANY LEFT? Yes apparently there are (the man who defended the woman in the video) but they're slowly becoming an extinct species. Men......any REAL MEN who read this post....please pass it along....it's time for us REAL MEN to STAND UP and teach these immature, classless, disrespectful cowards what it means to be a MAN. Being a man isn't just a gender....it's in how you carry yourself and the way in which you deal with situations. And quite frankly.....most of these young punks don't know how to deal with crap!

Hopefully this post makes its way in front of the eyes of the punk from the bus and if it does, I have a special message for him. You need to grow up! You're not a man....your actions show that you are an immature, disrespectful, sorry little boy....and you definitely got what you deserved for putting your hands on that woman. That's all!!!

Ladies....please don't give up hope....there are still some good men out there. You just have to look.

Remember....You're Worth It!

J. Earl Smith
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
knourworth@hotmail.com

Who Really Knows What A Man Is Thinking?

That's an interesting question. I know there are many people who go to school for years to become psychiatrists or psychologists so they can be known as an expert on what someone is thinking. Now while I don't claim to be one of those people (aka doctors), I do feel that I'm quite qualified to speak on the state of the male mind. Not because I'm very well educated but because I observe people, analyze their decisions, and ultimately because I've experienced quite a lot in my short 26 years on this earth.

It's humorous to me when I hear females say that they "know men". Well, really unless you're one of those few I spoke of earlier.....I'd like to inform you....you don't really know men! It's a difficult task to get into the head of a man because while men as a whole are very much alike.....we're all very different too! I guess what I'm getting at is that I've heard many many women voice their thoughts about what hurts a man's feelings, what a woman needs to do to get into man's heart, and how to really figure out a man's inner workings; so they don't actually need any help. I actually had one woman email me and blast me for writing an article in which I voiced my opinion on some things that women need to stop doing or start doing in order to save their relationships or find a new relationship. Her exact words were...."us women don't need a man telling us what we should or shouldn't be doing in order to be happy...what can a man actually help a woman with?" In response I hit her with, "it's sad that you feel that way....and the reason I say its sad is because of your pride. (I read some of your tweets), and you like a lot of women need assistance getting out of your own way. And besides, wouldn't it be better to get some insight into the male psyche instead of listening to your bitter girlfriends who are in the same situation as you and who likely want you to stay single since they are too? But what do I know?"

Bottom line....we all need each other to learn the opposite sex so we can navigate through this thing called life and find someone to share it with. So to answer the question posed earlier.....only someone who knows the true inner workings of the male brain and what drives/motivates them is capable of letting any woman know what her man or any man is really thinking.

Anyway, I'm taking questions about the male mind, or even if you need a guy's actions explained to you; I can do that for you through my email. Knourworth@hotmail.com or I can be contacted on Twitter at @JSmith2523.

Remember....."You're Worth It"

Today's Doctor's Visit

My wife and I had a doctor's visit this morning to check on the progress of our baby. I'm happy to say that everything is going very well. The doctor said that the baby is growing and developing nicely and appears to be quite healthy. As of yesterday we are 6 1/2 months into the pregnancy and our baby (Javan) is about 14 inches long (from the crown of his head to his butt) and weighs just over 2 pounds.

To tell you the truth....I'm slightly nervous, but at the same time....extremely excited! Just knowing that there's a "mini-me" growing inside my wife ready to grace us with his presence in a few months puts a constant smile on my face! I know the whole process won't be easy, and there will be some times when we'll struggle....but overall, we'll be ok, including the fact that we have great friends and amazing family who'll be there to support us!

To see this little guy developing before my eyes, touches me very deeply and makes me wonder how anyone could ever walk away from their child who looks like them and even at times acts like them??? I keep thinking about 1 Timothy 5:8, where it says, "Certainly if anyone does not provide for those who are his own, and especially those who are members of HIS household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith." I don't have all the answers, but I know.....I won't be that man!!!

Besides.....who could walk away from this face???



Remember......"You're Worth It"!

J. Earl Smith
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495