Forgiveness! Is it Warranted....if so, When?

OK, I've heard many different people voice their opinions about a popular r&b artist who apparently has temper/anger control issues. Too many people (in my opinion) are defending his actions and saying that his violent outbursts are other people's fault. I'm not saying that the line of questioning in this most recent outburst had nothing to do with it happening...but as @MrEdLover would say "C'MON SON!!!" How long are people (usually devoted fans) going to make up excuses for Chris Brown? How long is Chris Brown going to have outbursts like this and think that a simple apology on a popular music video show is going to make everything OK?

Now....as one black man to another, I'm not trying to tear down Chris Brown like some kind of "crab in a barrel", but in all honesty...with no hate involved...Chris Brown does need some serious help. His reaction to the questions that Robin Roberts asked him regarding the whole Rhianna situation on Good Morning America was totally unnecessary and inappropriate! That kind of childish temper tantrum because you don't like the kind of questions that were asked is exactly the reason why I feel that he's going to continue making bad decisions and won't reach his full potential.

Regardless of whether he was asked whether he could be questioned about that incident or not, his management team has a share in blame for this happening! It's his management team's responsibility to prepare him mentally that these are the kinds of questions you're going to get when you go on an official show like a "Good Morning America". If he didn't want to get real introspective questions....he should have gone on MTV where they would have kept the questions strictly about the album. I don't believe that Robin Roberts has any fault in the incident that happened at the Good Morning America studios on Tuesday. She was doing her job just like any one of us would have done if we were asking the questions. So everyone trying to throw blame toward Ms. Roberts....please STOP!

But this leads me to another issue...where are the positive older black men that can and should be mentoring Chris Brown during this difficult time? I understand that there's a certain level of anger in most every black man for the difficult times that we face and the unequal treatment that we tend to receive, even when we're told that we're being given equal opportunities. Everyone knows that equal opportunity doesn't necessarily define itself and isn't exactly self-explanatory, but that's a whole other issue. What I'm getting at is this....where are the positive black men in the entertainment industry who could sit down with Chris Brown and help him really get his anger issues under control? I think about the way that former NFL Coach Tony Dungy reached out to and was there for Michael Vick during his trials and re-entrance back into society. And we all see how that's worked out. Vick is playing great football and has kept his nose clean for the most part, and part of that credit should go to Coach Dungy for his help in tutoring Vick how to grow up and be a man as well as how to keep those negative influences out of his life. Dungy also helped Vick learn how to react when posed with those difficult questions even when he didn't really want to answer those questions.

Bottom line....Chris Brown needs to find his Tony Dungy! Maybe Russell Simmons can help Brown the way Dungy helped Vick. Simmons sat down with Chris Brown on Wednesday night and spoke with him on various subjects. Hopefully Simmons taking an interest in Brown will lead to some positive character improvements in Brown that can help keep his name out of the limelight for the wrong reasons.

Russell Simmons story here: http://globalgrind.com/music/chris-brown-when-fame-snatches-your-freedom-russell-simmons

I do believe that forgiveness is warranted....but the offender's actions must show that it's deserved!

Remember...."You're Worth It"

J. Earl Smith
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
knourworth@hotmail.com

Real Men.....Are There Any Left???

I came across a disturbing story over the weekend that really made me question what's happening to the male gender in this day and age! Apparently, there's a growing rise of men who feel that it's okay to put their hands on women if they get into an argument with or feel they've been disrespected by said women.

In this particular story (which had a video) there was a young man and young woman in Atlanta, riding the bus who were arguing. I don't believe they knew each other, and didn't exactly catch what they were arguing about, but the guy was upset because the lady sitting in the seat in front of him apparently was (in his words) "getting in his business" while he was talking to another woman on the bus. The argument escalated and the guy stood up and addressed the woman who then stood up as well.

I thought that would be the end of it....some jawing back and forth, some expletives spewed toward one another.....but I didn't expect the guy to actually punch the woman in the face. Fortunately for her, there was an actual MAN on the bus as well who wasn't going to let that kind of action be tolerated. We'll call the man who intervened the "Good Samaritan"....because it would have been quite simple for him to turn a blind eye and not get involved....after all, it really was none of his business. But did he do that? No....he stepped up and promptly and physically intervened. Now....I'm not agreeing with his physically attacking the first guy, but in that scenario....I can't really say that I wouldn't have reacted in the same or similar fashion. I try to keep a level head and keep my temper under control....but violence toward women is one thing that makes my blood boil.

But how those types of things affect me is not really what this post is about. I want to try to figure out what's happened or is happening to our gender that would make them think that putting their hands on women is acceptable or even justifiable. I don't care what a woman says or does, no man has the right to put his hands on a woman. But what prompts or drives a man to act in such a cowardly way? In my opinion it stems from a lack of self-esteem in these men. They're insecure in themselves and thus feel the need to lash out when they perceive they're being confronted, challenged, or disrespected. Now these confrontations, challenges, or acts of disrespect aren't always necessarily actual. Sometimes these are perceived in their minds because they don't feel great about themselves personally.

Men who put their hands on women are the lowest being on the surface of the earth and there's one thing I've noticed with men who act in this manor....they rarely will "man up" and verbally confront....let alone physically confront another man who they feel has disrespected. Because they know that a real man....who's fighting for something worthwhile and not behaving like a punk....will always win out!

I never got a good look at the losers face in the video....but from his cowardly attack on a woman I can only say that justice was served when the "Good Samaritan" intervened and dealt with him like a man. Little boys throw temper tantrums and react out of emotion or allow what people may say to incite them to cowardly acts of violence. What ever happened to "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" When, where, and why did that line of reasoning ever die? A real man knows that although from a literal sense...words can actually hurt; words can and should have little control over his emotions regardless of what anyone may say.....whether that be a man or a woman....he should be able to act in a dignified manner at all times.

So again....I ask REAL MEN.....ARE THERE ANY LEFT? Yes apparently there are (the man who defended the woman in the video) but they're slowly becoming an extinct species. Men......any REAL MEN who read this post....please pass it along....it's time for us REAL MEN to STAND UP and teach these immature, classless, disrespectful cowards what it means to be a MAN. Being a man isn't just a gender....it's in how you carry yourself and the way in which you deal with situations. And quite frankly.....most of these young punks don't know how to deal with crap!

Hopefully this post makes its way in front of the eyes of the punk from the bus and if it does, I have a special message for him. You need to grow up! You're not a man....your actions show that you are an immature, disrespectful, sorry little boy....and you definitely got what you deserved for putting your hands on that woman. That's all!!!

Ladies....please don't give up hope....there are still some good men out there. You just have to look.

Remember....You're Worth It!

J. Earl Smith
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
knourworth@hotmail.com

Who Really Knows What A Man Is Thinking?

That's an interesting question. I know there are many people who go to school for years to become psychiatrists or psychologists so they can be known as an expert on what someone is thinking. Now while I don't claim to be one of those people (aka doctors), I do feel that I'm quite qualified to speak on the state of the male mind. Not because I'm very well educated but because I observe people, analyze their decisions, and ultimately because I've experienced quite a lot in my short 26 years on this earth.

It's humorous to me when I hear females say that they "know men". Well, really unless you're one of those few I spoke of earlier.....I'd like to inform you....you don't really know men! It's a difficult task to get into the head of a man because while men as a whole are very much alike.....we're all very different too! I guess what I'm getting at is that I've heard many many women voice their thoughts about what hurts a man's feelings, what a woman needs to do to get into man's heart, and how to really figure out a man's inner workings; so they don't actually need any help. I actually had one woman email me and blast me for writing an article in which I voiced my opinion on some things that women need to stop doing or start doing in order to save their relationships or find a new relationship. Her exact words were...."us women don't need a man telling us what we should or shouldn't be doing in order to be happy...what can a man actually help a woman with?" In response I hit her with, "it's sad that you feel that way....and the reason I say its sad is because of your pride. (I read some of your tweets), and you like a lot of women need assistance getting out of your own way. And besides, wouldn't it be better to get some insight into the male psyche instead of listening to your bitter girlfriends who are in the same situation as you and who likely want you to stay single since they are too? But what do I know?"

Bottom line....we all need each other to learn the opposite sex so we can navigate through this thing called life and find someone to share it with. So to answer the question posed earlier.....only someone who knows the true inner workings of the male brain and what drives/motivates them is capable of letting any woman know what her man or any man is really thinking.

Anyway, I'm taking questions about the male mind, or even if you need a guy's actions explained to you; I can do that for you through my email. Knourworth@hotmail.com or I can be contacted on Twitter at @JSmith2523.

Remember....."You're Worth It"

Today's Doctor's Visit

My wife and I had a doctor's visit this morning to check on the progress of our baby. I'm happy to say that everything is going very well. The doctor said that the baby is growing and developing nicely and appears to be quite healthy. As of yesterday we are 6 1/2 months into the pregnancy and our baby (Javan) is about 14 inches long (from the crown of his head to his butt) and weighs just over 2 pounds.

To tell you the truth....I'm slightly nervous, but at the same time....extremely excited! Just knowing that there's a "mini-me" growing inside my wife ready to grace us with his presence in a few months puts a constant smile on my face! I know the whole process won't be easy, and there will be some times when we'll struggle....but overall, we'll be ok, including the fact that we have great friends and amazing family who'll be there to support us!

To see this little guy developing before my eyes, touches me very deeply and makes me wonder how anyone could ever walk away from their child who looks like them and even at times acts like them??? I keep thinking about 1 Timothy 5:8, where it says, "Certainly if anyone does not provide for those who are his own, and especially those who are members of HIS household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith." I don't have all the answers, but I know.....I won't be that man!!!

Besides.....who could walk away from this face???



Remember......"You're Worth It"!

J. Earl Smith
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495

What's Happening with Today's Youth?

I heard a disturbing news report this morning about a high school in Memphis Tennessee named Frayser High School. Now, no one has been shot, this story was not another Columbine situation, but it kind of surprised me when I heard the school's motto, which is...."Excellence is our expectation.....No excuses!" That's not the shocking part. What shocked me is that in this particular high school (which has an enrollment of 800 students) there are currently 90 that's right NINETY young ladies (in this current school year) who have recently given birth or who are currently expecting a child!!!

That's a pretty staggering number....90 out of 800 is 11.25% of the school attendance! Are we so clueless as parents or as administrators in the school that we don't see the signs of a growing problem? Where were the parents in this debacle? Where were the administrators or guidance counselors in helping this young women to make smarter decisions? Now, don't get me wrong....this isn't and CAN'T be put only on the young women. As a young black man, whose wife is expecting their first child, I can't help but be embarrassed by and ashamed of the young men who were/are involved in this epidemic.

Ask yourself....when you were in high school....how many people did you know that had jobs and could support a child? I think about the few girls who got pregnant in my high school and they had no idea what they were going to do! They had no plan, they were children having children. This is the same thing happening in this small area of Frayser. Think about the areas where the unemployment rate is rather high, such as Memphis, TN (9.7% unemployment as of November 2010), do you think these kids have any clue as to how they're going to care for a newborn??? I seriously doubt it! I'm 26 years old, and my wife and myself are expecting our first child about a month before our five year anniversary, and to tell you the truth....I have no clue what I'm doing, but I have a job, I have a house, and I'm in a better position to bring a child into this world.

What would possess anyone to have unprotected sex and get pregnant (some as young as 14 or 15 years old)? Again, I ask.....where were the parents? Where were the role models to help these kids learn that if they're going to have sex (which at 15 they shouldn't be anyway) that they should definitely be protected? Aside from the possibility of someone getting pregnant, what about the deadly incurable diseases that are running rampant in this world today? According to www.worldaidsday.org, over 430,000 children under the age of 15 were infected with HIV in the year 2007 alone! And one could only imagine that those numbers have gone up drastically in the last 3-4 years!!!

We have to do better as a people. Not just as black people, but as people in general! The future of our children depend on it. We have to be better tuned in with our children and know what's going on in their lives. We can't try to be their best friends, we have a responsibility as PARENTS to be just that......PARENTS!

Remember......"You're Worth It!"

J. Earl Smith

@JSmith2523 on Twitter

knourworth@hotmail.com

www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495.

Don't Play His Roll

It's funny to me when I hear these so-called relationship experts and matchmakers say that women need to change who they are or start acting like a man in order to find love. I mean, really think about that concept. Why would God have created men and women with such different emotional makeups, if he intended, all of us to be exactly the same? What fun would it be, if we all thought the exact same way?

There'd be no variety, and life would be an intense shade of boredom. I mean really, why should women need to learn to be "like" a man, in order to land one??? In my opinion, if a woman has to be more like a man in order to catch the attention of a man, then couldn't the argument be made that he may have actually been searching for a man!!! That may not be politically correct to say, but that's how I feel. No woman should have to compromise her emotional makeup in an attempt to feel more connected to a man. Chances are....if that's what a "man" is looking for....he's looking for someone who's equipped the same way he is.

It breaks my heart when I see young women having to play roll of mommy and daddy at the same time. Having to lose some of that femininity within themselves in order to assure that if they're raising a boy, he turns into a MAN!!! This is a difficult situation for any woman to find herself in; especially since this isn't the roll that God designed for women (but we'll get into that another time).

Overall ladies....don't allow yourselves to be changed and transform into something you weren't meant to be. This goes for those ladies out there who allow themselves to be turned into the head of the household, primary breadwinner, and decision maker, while some good for nothing guy mooches off their hard work.

Remember....."You're Worth It"
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
www.knourworth.blogspot.com
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495

New Year.....New Horizons!

So far this new year is looking very promising.

My wife and I are doing good, her pregnancy is moving along nicely....she's due in May. We're having a little boy....which is exactly what I wanted. A little "mini-me"...I'm very excited! 2011 is going to be a great year not only for me, but for my family.

I'm getting more responsibility at my job, pay increases are happening this month, and I should be able to have the re-write to my book completed/ready for publishing and ready to be available for sale on amazon.com.

I think this is the most excited I've been for the start of a new year in a VERY long time.

Also with 2011, I'm planning on keeping this blog up to date more, filling it with even more interesting articles that can help anyone with their relationship, as well as developing it into even more than it currently is, in order to get "into the hands" of more readers and gain more followers.

Hope everyone else's 2011, is starting off as good as mine, and if it's not.....you have the power to make it better!

Remember......"You're Worth It!"

J. Earl Smith

@JSmith2523 on Twitter

knourworth@hotmail.com

www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495.