Emontional distance in a relationship is a clear sign that there's a problem. Regardless of whether someone's always been an "independent" person....once in a relationship, you should see the shift from handling things on your own or only depending on yourself to an interchange of support and encouragement between you and your partner.
If for some reason you're not feeling that connection....you may want to do some digging and find out why there seems to be this void between you and your partner.
It's sad to say....but when someone begins emotionally distancing themselves from their partner....it's usually because they are connecting on an emotional level with someone else. Some will say that they're just handling things within themselves....but usually that doesn't cause someone to withdraw from their partner. The withdrawing usually begins once they feel that their partner doesn't "understand" them anymore or they're not feeling the same support they used to feel from their partner.
This is especially dangerous because this can lead to Emotional Infidelity. This is a betrayal of your partner's trust even though it's not on the same level as a "real" affair with physical intimacy and sex. While it doesn't necessarily break spoken vows, it can be as devestating to a relationship as physical intimacy/unfaithfulness.
Be careful of the casual chat rooms and social networking sites....because what starts as a simple conversation on a common interest can soon turn into having a "need" to talk to that person on the other end of the computer....more than the need to interract with your own partner. The view of the person on the other end of the computer connection can become distorted and more important than the relationship you've built with your partner. Social networking sites are great if used for their intended purpose and kept in their proper place. If spending more time on your social networking site of choice is more important to you than spending time with your partner....you won't have a partner for long. Don't be naive and say it couldn't happen to you....it happens to people around the world everyday...it doesn't only have to be social networking sites. This applies to emails from "old friends" co-workers that we're a little too friendly with, or people we don't even know who become "friends" of ours. Bottom line: BE CAREFUL!!! As my mom always told me....."Make sure the choices you make today.....are choices you can live with tomorrow!"
Remember.....You're Worth It.....But so is your RELATIONSHIP!!!
J. Earl Smith
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
knourworth@hotmail.com
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Know When It's the End of the Road!
It's unfortunate but to have to say this, but there does come a time in relationships when it may become necessary to sever ties with that particular person and move on with your life. Is this always the easiest decision to make....not at all, but sometimes making this hard decision now can save you a lot of heartache later.
When are some of those times that this would be the wisest course of action?
1) The relationship isn't allowing any room for growth of either or both individuals as a person or one or the other person is being stifled.
2) Suspicion and jealousy have taken over the tone of the relationship.
3) Worry about the process of finding someone new if the relationship doesn't work out.
4) The relationship has gotten to a level of toxicity that makes the relationship irreparable.
A relationship is supposed to be give and take and improve/build each of the persons involved up to be the best possible person they can be. If a relationship doesn't bring out the best of you most of the time....chances are, it's not the right relationship. You shouldn't feel trapped in a relationship and you shouldn't feel like you can't be yourself either. We'll talk a little about feeling trapped or stifled in a relationship.
"Quicksand"
A stifling relationship is like being trapped in quicksand. The more you squirm and try to wriggle free, the tighter it squeezes you, pulling you deeper and deeper until there's nothing else that you can do and you just sink. In a similar sense, when someone is being smothered in a relationship they feel the same way as literal quicksand. They feel squeezed, pressured, even smothered. NO ONE WANTS TO BE SMOTHERED! We all like attention and affection, but no one wants to feel that they're wrong for not showing affection 24/7. It can't all be affection, there needs to be communication as well in order for a relationship to work. But there is a balance, a fine line if you will, that needs to be found when it comes to how much attention is given to your partner. You don't want to neglect them, but at the same time, you don't want them to feel that you're so needy that it's a turn off to them. Know when to back off a bit, in essence, throwing a life line to your relationship that the both of you can grab on to and pull yourselves out of the "quicksand".
"Jealousy"
A little bit of jealousy isn't necessarily a bad thing. It can show your true emotions and how much you truly care for your significant other and the relationship. No one can avoid being jealous in some fashion. Everyone has someone or something that makes them just a tad insecure in themselves. I have it too. However, we can't let those small insecurities in ourselves lead us to act suspiciously of our partners whenever they do anything. If someone hasn't given you a reason to be suspicious, then you need to check yourself and figure out why you can't just enjoy the relationship without doubting your partner's every move. Insecurities were a major downfall in a lot of relationships I've seen. People are insecure about their looks, their position in life, even questioning why their partner is actually with them. All of these things are of little consequence. Don't automatically start questioning why your partner is with you because they may not always voice their opinion....the time to start worrying is when they can't help but voice their opinion on things about you and it starts turning negative. Opportunities don't always present themselves to everyone....most of the time, people who are trying to be successful have to create their own opportunities and run with them....tie your running shoes tight and get running. If there's something about yourself that you don't like, do what you can to change it, but don't try to change it because you think someone else wants you to....you have to change for you, because only then will you be successful. If they don't like you for who you currently are, YOU DON'T NEED THEM!
"Worry"
If you've been with someone for a good amount of time and it just seems like the relationship isn't working in a positive direction, you know in your heart it's time to move on. The real question is....will you? All too often, people are worried about having to start from scratch and try to find someone new. That's why they're usually more apt to stay with in a relationship that doesn't fulfill their needs or make them happy because they feel going back into the dating world is daunting and too difficult a task.Despite what those people who say "they're happy being single"....no one enjoys being alone, so it's very understandable why people would worry about standing alone facing any oncoming obstacles by themselves until they find someone who's worthy to stand by their side and face all problems together. People owe it to themselves to find and be with someone who's on their level, and who complements them in various ways. At some point we all have to come to the realization that "we're worth it". We're worth more than a useless relationship and a partner who wants us to have them as our priority, while we remain their option. We're worth more than occasional "I love you's" on the phone. You can't let fear cripple you from making a change that will ultimately be good for your growth in the future.In these types of situations, you have to look out for yourself, because obviously the person you're with is more concerned about themselves. Granted, we all want a loving relationship where each person involved is looking out for the interest of the other person....therefore, each person's needs will nine times out of ten be met. However, it doesn't always happen that easy, and some times it takes a while for some of us to find that special relationship. The first thing we HAVE to do though set the example by loving yourself. Love for self sets the tone for most relationships, whether those be friendships or romantic relationships. Having love for yourself and having parameters of respect and love for yourself will force others to have love and respect for you as well. Remember, if you don't love yourself....who will?
"Toxicity"
What do I mean when I say a relationship has become "toxic"? "Toxic" relationships are those that have become dangerous to someone's health; this can be one's physical or emotional health. When physical violence or even the threat of physical violence become the everyday norm, that's when it's time to get out. One thing that people need to realize is that threats of violence or even emotional abuse usually escalate into physical violence at some point. Protecting one's well being is of the utmost importance. There are plenty of cases every year where people who are physically/emotionally abused but decide to stay with their partner because they "love" them. My question to that is, where was his/her love for you when they laid their hands on you or cussed you out in front of your friends or belittled you in front of your family?
These types of things can't be ignored because they are stepping stone actions that lead to worse behavior if left unchecked. No one should have to endure abusive behavior, I'm sure we've all seen how badly these things can escalate. I've seen it with people I grew up with, young girls in their teens, continually allowing the "love of their life" to hit on them, then apologize and act as if nothing happened. As a man, it disgusts me when I hear of a situation in which a woman has been physically assaulted by a man. It's reprehensible and shouldn't be tolerated. Those who act as cowards and put their hands on women....should be sent to jail and dealt with accordingly by their cell mate.
If you remember nothing else from this post, you must remember that it's your responsibility to love you. It's your responsibility to care for you. It's your responsibility to know when it's time to cut ties when a relationship or friendship isn't working and say this is the end of the road.
Remember......"You're Worth It"
J. Earl Smith
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
knourworth@hotmail.com
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495
When are some of those times that this would be the wisest course of action?
1) The relationship isn't allowing any room for growth of either or both individuals as a person or one or the other person is being stifled.
2) Suspicion and jealousy have taken over the tone of the relationship.
3) Worry about the process of finding someone new if the relationship doesn't work out.
4) The relationship has gotten to a level of toxicity that makes the relationship irreparable.
A relationship is supposed to be give and take and improve/build each of the persons involved up to be the best possible person they can be. If a relationship doesn't bring out the best of you most of the time....chances are, it's not the right relationship. You shouldn't feel trapped in a relationship and you shouldn't feel like you can't be yourself either. We'll talk a little about feeling trapped or stifled in a relationship.
"Quicksand"
A stifling relationship is like being trapped in quicksand. The more you squirm and try to wriggle free, the tighter it squeezes you, pulling you deeper and deeper until there's nothing else that you can do and you just sink. In a similar sense, when someone is being smothered in a relationship they feel the same way as literal quicksand. They feel squeezed, pressured, even smothered. NO ONE WANTS TO BE SMOTHERED! We all like attention and affection, but no one wants to feel that they're wrong for not showing affection 24/7. It can't all be affection, there needs to be communication as well in order for a relationship to work. But there is a balance, a fine line if you will, that needs to be found when it comes to how much attention is given to your partner. You don't want to neglect them, but at the same time, you don't want them to feel that you're so needy that it's a turn off to them. Know when to back off a bit, in essence, throwing a life line to your relationship that the both of you can grab on to and pull yourselves out of the "quicksand".
"Jealousy"
A little bit of jealousy isn't necessarily a bad thing. It can show your true emotions and how much you truly care for your significant other and the relationship. No one can avoid being jealous in some fashion. Everyone has someone or something that makes them just a tad insecure in themselves. I have it too. However, we can't let those small insecurities in ourselves lead us to act suspiciously of our partners whenever they do anything. If someone hasn't given you a reason to be suspicious, then you need to check yourself and figure out why you can't just enjoy the relationship without doubting your partner's every move. Insecurities were a major downfall in a lot of relationships I've seen. People are insecure about their looks, their position in life, even questioning why their partner is actually with them. All of these things are of little consequence. Don't automatically start questioning why your partner is with you because they may not always voice their opinion....the time to start worrying is when they can't help but voice their opinion on things about you and it starts turning negative. Opportunities don't always present themselves to everyone....most of the time, people who are trying to be successful have to create their own opportunities and run with them....tie your running shoes tight and get running. If there's something about yourself that you don't like, do what you can to change it, but don't try to change it because you think someone else wants you to....you have to change for you, because only then will you be successful. If they don't like you for who you currently are, YOU DON'T NEED THEM!
"Worry"
If you've been with someone for a good amount of time and it just seems like the relationship isn't working in a positive direction, you know in your heart it's time to move on. The real question is....will you? All too often, people are worried about having to start from scratch and try to find someone new. That's why they're usually more apt to stay with in a relationship that doesn't fulfill their needs or make them happy because they feel going back into the dating world is daunting and too difficult a task.Despite what those people who say "they're happy being single"....no one enjoys being alone, so it's very understandable why people would worry about standing alone facing any oncoming obstacles by themselves until they find someone who's worthy to stand by their side and face all problems together. People owe it to themselves to find and be with someone who's on their level, and who complements them in various ways. At some point we all have to come to the realization that "we're worth it". We're worth more than a useless relationship and a partner who wants us to have them as our priority, while we remain their option. We're worth more than occasional "I love you's" on the phone. You can't let fear cripple you from making a change that will ultimately be good for your growth in the future.In these types of situations, you have to look out for yourself, because obviously the person you're with is more concerned about themselves. Granted, we all want a loving relationship where each person involved is looking out for the interest of the other person....therefore, each person's needs will nine times out of ten be met. However, it doesn't always happen that easy, and some times it takes a while for some of us to find that special relationship. The first thing we HAVE to do though set the example by loving yourself. Love for self sets the tone for most relationships, whether those be friendships or romantic relationships. Having love for yourself and having parameters of respect and love for yourself will force others to have love and respect for you as well. Remember, if you don't love yourself....who will?
"Toxicity"
What do I mean when I say a relationship has become "toxic"? "Toxic" relationships are those that have become dangerous to someone's health; this can be one's physical or emotional health. When physical violence or even the threat of physical violence become the everyday norm, that's when it's time to get out. One thing that people need to realize is that threats of violence or even emotional abuse usually escalate into physical violence at some point. Protecting one's well being is of the utmost importance. There are plenty of cases every year where people who are physically/emotionally abused but decide to stay with their partner because they "love" them. My question to that is, where was his/her love for you when they laid their hands on you or cussed you out in front of your friends or belittled you in front of your family?
These types of things can't be ignored because they are stepping stone actions that lead to worse behavior if left unchecked. No one should have to endure abusive behavior, I'm sure we've all seen how badly these things can escalate. I've seen it with people I grew up with, young girls in their teens, continually allowing the "love of their life" to hit on them, then apologize and act as if nothing happened. As a man, it disgusts me when I hear of a situation in which a woman has been physically assaulted by a man. It's reprehensible and shouldn't be tolerated. Those who act as cowards and put their hands on women....should be sent to jail and dealt with accordingly by their cell mate.
If you remember nothing else from this post, you must remember that it's your responsibility to love you. It's your responsibility to care for you. It's your responsibility to know when it's time to cut ties when a relationship or friendship isn't working and say this is the end of the road.
Remember......"You're Worth It"
J. Earl Smith
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
knourworth@hotmail.com
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495
A "Mr. Right's" Tips to Finding "Mr. Right"
Ladies.....How's everybody doing today? Good I hope. Please don't take the title of this blog as arrogance on my part. I'm just stating my opinion of myself, because I believe that I do everything that a Mr. Right should do for his woman. None of what I'm about to say is gospel, this is just my opinion of what some women could do to find Mr. Right. It's aimed at helping any reader stimulate their minds to think about what they just read and see if it could have an impact for the better on their lives. So with that disclaimer said....here we go.
Tip #1 MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A LIFE!
This is an extremely important tip. You need to be Mrs. Right to attract Mr. Right. No man whether Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong is going to make you into a better person. Example: If you're not particularly diligent/hardworking, or you're extremely self-indulged or lazy....finding a guy who's everything you're not isn't going to transform you into his equal.Work hard at changing your own character defects first. That's the first step. Only then will you be able to truly be deserving of finding Mr. Right. If you're unsure of what you may need to work on to better yourself....ask your mother or father....they'll be more apt to tell you the truth before friends. Once you figure out what exactly it is that you need to work on....actually start working on it....striving to become more well rounded. Try doing things that will make you a better person....finish getting your degree, volunteer with others that are less fortunate than you are, get professional counseling if there are some deep rooted problems that need to be addressed. The bottom line is this, you must first learn to be happy with yourself, you will only be happy in any new relationship if you are happy within yourself first.
Tip #2 BE REALISTIC WITH YOURSELF
In other words evaluate how attractive you truly are and look for someone on that level or slightly above. There aren't many people in everyday life that look like the models we all see in the magazines. If everyone looked like a model....there'd be no real work getting done in the fields of engineering, teaching, government, etc. We'd all be laying on a tropical beach getting our picture taken. (Doesn't sound too bad....but how realistic is that?) While we're not all models, we all do have something going for us. We just have to figure out what that is and accentuate/enhance it. Build our look around that outstanding quality/feature. This is not always easy because of the way the media makes us see ourselves. According to the media, everyone should have a size 2 waist (for women), size 30 (for men) with the body of a god/goddess.
We all have to realistic and true to ourselves. Ladies, if your a size 12....don't try to be a size 6. There are some things that look great on size 6's, that are going to look hideous on size 12's. Accept yourself for who you truly are and dress accordingly.This goes to both women and men.....Don't look down on yourself or assume that no one's going to want you because you're a certain size. There are people out there who like a little more meat on their partners. But just because there are people out there who have that preference, doesn't mean you can just let yourself go and not worry about it though either.
You may not be able to be a size 2, but if you care for yourself and keep up your appearance....you can be a bigger person that catches eyes and turns heads. In other words, just because you're a bigger person....doesn't mean you can't be up on the latest fashions, get your hair, nails, toes done. Do all that to maintain yourself....the point is....no one wants a slob. People want to be proud of the person on their arm, not embarrassed, so take some pride in yourselves and take it up a notch. Carry yourself better and better opportunities will be presented to you.Remember.....You're Worth It.
J. Earl Smith
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
knourworth@hotmail.com
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495
Tip #1 MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A LIFE!
This is an extremely important tip. You need to be Mrs. Right to attract Mr. Right. No man whether Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong is going to make you into a better person. Example: If you're not particularly diligent/hardworking, or you're extremely self-indulged or lazy....finding a guy who's everything you're not isn't going to transform you into his equal.Work hard at changing your own character defects first. That's the first step. Only then will you be able to truly be deserving of finding Mr. Right. If you're unsure of what you may need to work on to better yourself....ask your mother or father....they'll be more apt to tell you the truth before friends. Once you figure out what exactly it is that you need to work on....actually start working on it....striving to become more well rounded. Try doing things that will make you a better person....finish getting your degree, volunteer with others that are less fortunate than you are, get professional counseling if there are some deep rooted problems that need to be addressed. The bottom line is this, you must first learn to be happy with yourself, you will only be happy in any new relationship if you are happy within yourself first.
Tip #2 BE REALISTIC WITH YOURSELF
In other words evaluate how attractive you truly are and look for someone on that level or slightly above. There aren't many people in everyday life that look like the models we all see in the magazines. If everyone looked like a model....there'd be no real work getting done in the fields of engineering, teaching, government, etc. We'd all be laying on a tropical beach getting our picture taken. (Doesn't sound too bad....but how realistic is that?) While we're not all models, we all do have something going for us. We just have to figure out what that is and accentuate/enhance it. Build our look around that outstanding quality/feature. This is not always easy because of the way the media makes us see ourselves. According to the media, everyone should have a size 2 waist (for women), size 30 (for men) with the body of a god/goddess.
We all have to realistic and true to ourselves. Ladies, if your a size 12....don't try to be a size 6. There are some things that look great on size 6's, that are going to look hideous on size 12's. Accept yourself for who you truly are and dress accordingly.This goes to both women and men.....Don't look down on yourself or assume that no one's going to want you because you're a certain size. There are people out there who like a little more meat on their partners. But just because there are people out there who have that preference, doesn't mean you can just let yourself go and not worry about it though either.
You may not be able to be a size 2, but if you care for yourself and keep up your appearance....you can be a bigger person that catches eyes and turns heads. In other words, just because you're a bigger person....doesn't mean you can't be up on the latest fashions, get your hair, nails, toes done. Do all that to maintain yourself....the point is....no one wants a slob. People want to be proud of the person on their arm, not embarrassed, so take some pride in yourselves and take it up a notch. Carry yourself better and better opportunities will be presented to you.Remember.....You're Worth It.
J. Earl Smith
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
knourworth@hotmail.com
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495
Monday, July 26, 2010
Emotional Distance....Emotional Infidelity
Emontional distance in a relationship is a clear sign that there's a problem. Regardless of whether someone's always been an "independent" person....once in a relationship, you should see the shift from handling things on your own or only depending on yourself to an interchange of support and encouragement between you and your partner.
If for some reason you're not feeling that connection....you may want to do some digging and find out why there seems to be this void between you and your partner.
It's sad to say....but when someone begins emotionally distancing themselves from their partner....it's usually because they are connecting on an emotional level with someone else. Some will say that they're just handling things within themselves....but usually that doesn't cause someone to withdraw from their partner. The withdrawing usually begins once they feel that their partner doesn't "understand" them anymore or they're not feeling the same support they used to feel from their partner.
This is especially dangerous because this can lead to Emotional Infidelity. This is a betrayal of your partner's trust even though it's not on the same level as a "real" affair with physical intimacy and sex. While it doesn't necessarily break spoken vows, it can be as devestating to a relationship as physical intimacy/unfaithfulness.
Be careful of the casual chat rooms and social networking sites....because what starts as a simple conversation on a common interest can soon turn into having a "need" to talk to that person on the other end of the computer....more than the need to interract with your own partner. The view of the person on the other end of the computer connection can become distorted and more important than the relationship you've built with your partner. Social networking sites are great if used for their intended purpose and kept in their proper place. If spending more time on your social networking site of choice is more important to you than spending time with your partner....you won't have a partner for long. Don't be naive and say it couldn't happen to you....it happens to people around the world everyday...it doesn't only have to be social networking sites. This applies to emails from "old friends" co-workers that we're a little too friendly with, or people we don't even know who become "friends" of ours. Bottom line: BE CAREFUL!!! As my mom always told me....."Make sure the choices you make today.....are choices you can live with tomorrow!"
Remember.....You're Worth It.....But so is your RELATIONSHIP!!!
J. Earl Smith
If for some reason you're not feeling that connection....you may want to do some digging and find out why there seems to be this void between you and your partner.
It's sad to say....but when someone begins emotionally distancing themselves from their partner....it's usually because they are connecting on an emotional level with someone else. Some will say that they're just handling things within themselves....but usually that doesn't cause someone to withdraw from their partner. The withdrawing usually begins once they feel that their partner doesn't "understand" them anymore or they're not feeling the same support they used to feel from their partner.
This is especially dangerous because this can lead to Emotional Infidelity. This is a betrayal of your partner's trust even though it's not on the same level as a "real" affair with physical intimacy and sex. While it doesn't necessarily break spoken vows, it can be as devestating to a relationship as physical intimacy/unfaithfulness.
Be careful of the casual chat rooms and social networking sites....because what starts as a simple conversation on a common interest can soon turn into having a "need" to talk to that person on the other end of the computer....more than the need to interract with your own partner. The view of the person on the other end of the computer connection can become distorted and more important than the relationship you've built with your partner. Social networking sites are great if used for their intended purpose and kept in their proper place. If spending more time on your social networking site of choice is more important to you than spending time with your partner....you won't have a partner for long. Don't be naive and say it couldn't happen to you....it happens to people around the world everyday...it doesn't only have to be social networking sites. This applies to emails from "old friends" co-workers that we're a little too friendly with, or people we don't even know who become "friends" of ours. Bottom line: BE CAREFUL!!! As my mom always told me....."Make sure the choices you make today.....are choices you can live with tomorrow!"
Remember.....You're Worth It.....But so is your RELATIONSHIP!!!
J. Earl Smith
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Keeping an Ex as a friend.....
I've heard many different people's opinions on this topic over the last few years. And I've come to the conclusion that there is no one right way of handling a situation like this. For some, having an ex remain a friend of theirs isn't too big of a deal....to others it's a huge deal. There are various reasons that each of these groups of people feel this way.
I personally don't think that it's necessarily the best idea to keep an ex around as a friend....because there's always that sneaking possibility that they're coming back into your life now as a result of things not going well in theirs. I've seen this first hand with people I know. And a few of them didn't handle the situation in a good way....and it eventually ruined their current relationship.
First and foremost, if an ex contacts you.....it'd probably be best to make it known what your parameters are for communicating with them. Let them know that they can't call you after certain hours....and that communication can't be too frequent. On top of that, certain topics HAVE to be steered away from. If they truly want to just be friends....they should understand that and have no problems adhering to your stipulations. If they can't do that...or voice problems with your boundaries....then you might want to re-evaluate whether or not it's worth trying to maintain that friendship.
It's sad to say but there are alot of people out there that would try to use "rekindling a friendship" as a devisive/back door way to come between you and your partner.....keep your eyes open....don't always listen to what's said, anyone can say the right things to try to pull on the strings of your heart....actions always speak louder than words! And if they act like it bothers them that you're happy in your relationship....then they're not a true friend.....ARE THEY???
Remember.....You're Worth It.
J. Earl Smith.
I personally don't think that it's necessarily the best idea to keep an ex around as a friend....because there's always that sneaking possibility that they're coming back into your life now as a result of things not going well in theirs. I've seen this first hand with people I know. And a few of them didn't handle the situation in a good way....and it eventually ruined their current relationship.
First and foremost, if an ex contacts you.....it'd probably be best to make it known what your parameters are for communicating with them. Let them know that they can't call you after certain hours....and that communication can't be too frequent. On top of that, certain topics HAVE to be steered away from. If they truly want to just be friends....they should understand that and have no problems adhering to your stipulations. If they can't do that...or voice problems with your boundaries....then you might want to re-evaluate whether or not it's worth trying to maintain that friendship.
It's sad to say but there are alot of people out there that would try to use "rekindling a friendship" as a devisive/back door way to come between you and your partner.....keep your eyes open....don't always listen to what's said, anyone can say the right things to try to pull on the strings of your heart....actions always speak louder than words! And if they act like it bothers them that you're happy in your relationship....then they're not a true friend.....ARE THEY???
Remember.....You're Worth It.
J. Earl Smith.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Volume 1 of the Book is on the way!
The first installment of my series...."You're Worth It" has been completed and I've already picked up my sample copies of the first volume. The idea that started over two years ago and has been accomplished through many long labored nights has finally materialized for me. I'm in the process of working on a distribution deal for Volume 1....and the other volumes to follow and there'll be four volumes total.
I've already started on the other volumes of my "You're Worth It" series. So those should be ready to go in about four to six months.
I'm in the process of talking with another writer to collaborate on a fictional "coming of age" book, that with any luck we'll be able to get the rights to it bought, so that it can be turned into a movie. We'll see how things go.....and of course....I'll keep you all posted.
Remember......You're Worth It.
J. Earl Smith
I've already started on the other volumes of my "You're Worth It" series. So those should be ready to go in about four to six months.
I'm in the process of talking with another writer to collaborate on a fictional "coming of age" book, that with any luck we'll be able to get the rights to it bought, so that it can be turned into a movie. We'll see how things go.....and of course....I'll keep you all posted.
Remember......You're Worth It.
J. Earl Smith
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Know A Real Man When You Have One
It's been a while since I've posted anything....been putting finishing touches on my book...which should be available in stores and online in the very NEAR future. Sorry for taking too long to come back.
Now to the topic of this post.
I got a phone call from a friend of mine yesterday that I hadn't spoken to in a while. He told me some sad news. He told me that he and his wife (with whom he has 2 kids, both under the age of 5) were no longer together and were in the process of getting a divorce. I have to admit that they had issues in their relationship a long time ago, even before they were married, but things were looking up for them or so I thought. They fought through so much to get things right and get their relationship back on track while she was pregnant with their first child. Then they got married and things appeared to actually be on the right track....then came baby #2. Another little rough patch hit....but they seemed to have matured and were able to work through it.
So when I get that call yesterday informing me that they're no longer together and that she left him and the 2 kids to get back with her high school boyfriend!!!! I WAS SHOCKED!!!! I just don't get how someone who fought so hard to save a relationship can decide so easily that they don't want to be a mother or married anymore. That's right.....I said it.....she left him and the kids!
The thing that gets me the most is.....how good of a guy he actually is. They had a baby together before they were married and while there are ALOT of "good for nothing" losers out there who would've left and say "the baby was HER responsibility"....he didn't do that....even if they hadn't gotten married....he still was going to be there...he had already made that decision! He was going to handle his responsibility!
He worked two (2) jobs to provide for the family so that she didn't have to work and there could be one parent home with the kids full time. I'm not saying that he deserves a whole lot of praise for doing what any father should be doing, but at least he deserved to be shown some appreciation. Don't you think?
Maybe someone can answer this question for me....Why is it that the baby daddy's who consistently do nothing to provide for their children but then come to their senses and actually step up ONCE.....get praised like they're the FATHER OF THE FREAKIN YEAR? While a father (not a baby daddy) who's there as a parent day in and day out gets no credit or respect? THAT'S SOME BULL$H!T!!!!
My friend and I had a good conversation and he's doing well....he's handling his responsibilities as he's always done and will continue to do! The worst thing about the whole situation is that his soon to be ex-wife is not even still with the guy she left him for. HOW F'D UP IS THAT!!!!
There are good men out there who step up and handle their responsibilities! This may come off sounding like a man who's looking for credit for doing exactly what he should be, but for all those who have a good man at home, who's consistently there for them and or their children.....hold on to that guy because you don't know where or when the next GOOD MAN might come along!!!!
Keep ya heads up and your hearts open!!!!
J. Earl Smith
@JSmith2523 on twitter
Now to the topic of this post.
I got a phone call from a friend of mine yesterday that I hadn't spoken to in a while. He told me some sad news. He told me that he and his wife (with whom he has 2 kids, both under the age of 5) were no longer together and were in the process of getting a divorce. I have to admit that they had issues in their relationship a long time ago, even before they were married, but things were looking up for them or so I thought. They fought through so much to get things right and get their relationship back on track while she was pregnant with their first child. Then they got married and things appeared to actually be on the right track....then came baby #2. Another little rough patch hit....but they seemed to have matured and were able to work through it.
So when I get that call yesterday informing me that they're no longer together and that she left him and the 2 kids to get back with her high school boyfriend!!!! I WAS SHOCKED!!!! I just don't get how someone who fought so hard to save a relationship can decide so easily that they don't want to be a mother or married anymore. That's right.....I said it.....she left him and the kids!
The thing that gets me the most is.....how good of a guy he actually is. They had a baby together before they were married and while there are ALOT of "good for nothing" losers out there who would've left and say "the baby was HER responsibility"....he didn't do that....even if they hadn't gotten married....he still was going to be there...he had already made that decision! He was going to handle his responsibility!
He worked two (2) jobs to provide for the family so that she didn't have to work and there could be one parent home with the kids full time. I'm not saying that he deserves a whole lot of praise for doing what any father should be doing, but at least he deserved to be shown some appreciation. Don't you think?
Maybe someone can answer this question for me....Why is it that the baby daddy's who consistently do nothing to provide for their children but then come to their senses and actually step up ONCE.....get praised like they're the FATHER OF THE FREAKIN YEAR? While a father (not a baby daddy) who's there as a parent day in and day out gets no credit or respect? THAT'S SOME BULL$H!T!!!!
My friend and I had a good conversation and he's doing well....he's handling his responsibilities as he's always done and will continue to do! The worst thing about the whole situation is that his soon to be ex-wife is not even still with the guy she left him for. HOW F'D UP IS THAT!!!!
There are good men out there who step up and handle their responsibilities! This may come off sounding like a man who's looking for credit for doing exactly what he should be, but for all those who have a good man at home, who's consistently there for them and or their children.....hold on to that guy because you don't know where or when the next GOOD MAN might come along!!!!
Keep ya heads up and your hearts open!!!!
J. Earl Smith
@JSmith2523 on twitter
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