Know When It's the End of the Road!

It's unfortunate but to have to say this, but there does come a time in relationships when it may become necessary to sever ties with that particular person and move on with your life. Is this always the easiest decision to make....not at all, but sometimes making this hard decision now can save you a lot of heartache later.

When are some of those times that this would be the wisest course of action?

1) The relationship isn't allowing any room for growth of either or both individuals as a person or one or the other person is being stifled.

2) Suspicion and jealousy have taken over the tone of the relationship.

3) Worry about the process of finding someone new if the relationship doesn't work out.

4) The relationship has gotten to a level of toxicity that makes the relationship irreparable.

A relationship is supposed to be give and take and improve/build each of the persons involved up to be the best possible person they can be. If a relationship doesn't bring out the best of you most of the time....chances are, it's not the right relationship. You shouldn't feel trapped in a relationship and you shouldn't feel like you can't be yourself either. We'll talk a little about feeling trapped or stifled in a relationship.

"Quicksand"

A stifling relationship is like being trapped in quicksand. The more you squirm and try to wriggle free, the tighter it squeezes you, pulling you deeper and deeper until there's nothing else that you can do and you just sink. In a similar sense, when someone is being smothered in a relationship they feel the same way as literal quicksand. They feel squeezed, pressured, even smothered. NO ONE WANTS TO BE SMOTHERED! We all like attention and affection, but no one wants to feel that they're wrong for not showing affection 24/7. It can't all be affection, there needs to be communication as well in order for a relationship to work. But there is a balance, a fine line if you will, that needs to be found when it comes to how much attention is given to your partner. You don't want to neglect them, but at the same time, you don't want them to feel that you're so needy that it's a turn off to them. Know when to back off a bit, in essence, throwing a life line to your relationship that the both of you can grab on to and pull yourselves out of the "quicksand".

"Jealousy"

A little bit of jealousy isn't necessarily a bad thing. It can show your true emotions and how much you truly care for your significant other and the relationship. No one can avoid being jealous in some fashion. Everyone has someone or something that makes them just a tad insecure in themselves. I have it too. However, we can't let those small insecurities in ourselves lead us to act suspiciously of our partners whenever they do anything. If someone hasn't given you a reason to be suspicious, then you need to check yourself and figure out why you can't just enjoy the relationship without doubting your partner's every move. Insecurities were a major downfall in a lot of relationships I've seen. People are insecure about their looks, their position in life, even questioning why their partner is actually with them. All of these things are of little consequence. Don't automatically start questioning why your partner is with you because they may not always voice their opinion....the time to start worrying is when they can't help but voice their opinion on things about you and it starts turning negative. Opportunities don't always present themselves to everyone....most of the time, people who are trying to be successful have to create their own opportunities and run with them....tie your running shoes tight and get running. If there's something about yourself that you don't like, do what you can to change it, but don't try to change it because you think someone else wants you to....you have to change for you, because only then will you be successful. If they don't like you for who you currently are, YOU DON'T NEED THEM!

"Worry"

If you've been with someone for a good amount of time and it just seems like the relationship isn't working in a positive direction, you know in your heart it's time to move on. The real question is....will you? All too often, people are worried about having to start from scratch and try to find someone new. That's why they're usually more apt to stay with in a relationship that doesn't fulfill their needs or make them happy because they feel going back into the dating world is daunting and too difficult a task.Despite what those people who say "they're happy being single"....no one enjoys being alone, so it's very understandable why people would worry about standing alone facing any oncoming obstacles by themselves until they find someone who's worthy to stand by their side and face all problems together. People owe it to themselves to find and be with someone who's on their level, and who complements them in various ways. At some point we all have to come to the realization that "we're worth it". We're worth more than a useless relationship and a partner who wants us to have them as our priority, while we remain their option. We're worth more than occasional "I love you's" on the phone. You can't let fear cripple you from making a change that will ultimately be good for your growth in the future.In these types of situations, you have to look out for yourself, because obviously the person you're with is more concerned about themselves. Granted, we all want a loving relationship where each person involved is looking out for the interest of the other person....therefore, each person's needs will nine times out of ten be met. However, it doesn't always happen that easy, and some times it takes a while for some of us to find that special relationship. The first thing we HAVE to do though set the example by loving yourself. Love for self sets the tone for most relationships, whether those be friendships or romantic relationships. Having love for yourself and having parameters of respect and love for yourself will force others to have love and respect for you as well. Remember, if you don't love yourself....who will?

"Toxicity"

What do I mean when I say a relationship has become "toxic"? "Toxic" relationships are those that have become dangerous to someone's health; this can be one's physical or emotional health. When physical violence or even the threat of physical violence become the everyday norm, that's when it's time to get out. One thing that people need to realize is that threats of violence or even emotional abuse usually escalate into physical violence at some point. Protecting one's well being is of the utmost importance. There are plenty of cases every year where people who are physically/emotionally abused but decide to stay with their partner because they "love" them. My question to that is, where was his/her love for you when they laid their hands on you or cussed you out in front of your friends or belittled you in front of your family?

These types of things can't be ignored because they are stepping stone actions that lead to worse behavior if left unchecked. No one should have to endure abusive behavior, I'm sure we've all seen how badly these things can escalate. I've seen it with people I grew up with, young girls in their teens, continually allowing the "love of their life" to hit on them, then apologize and act as if nothing happened. As a man, it disgusts me when I hear of a situation in which a woman has been physically assaulted by a man. It's reprehensible and shouldn't be tolerated. Those who act as cowards and put their hands on women....should be sent to jail and dealt with accordingly by their cell mate.

If you remember nothing else from this post, you must remember that it's your responsibility to love you. It's your responsibility to care for you. It's your responsibility to know when it's time to cut ties when a relationship or friendship isn't working and say this is the end of the road.

Remember......"You're Worth It"

J. Earl Smith
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
knourworth@hotmail.com
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495