Don't Push Me.....I'm Close to the Edge

Yesterday afternoon a co-worker came to me and told me that the VP of the company made a sarcastic comment regarding the "engineering department" being to work on time. Now...I understand she's the VP of the company...and she has the right to say whatever she wants....but wouldn't it be smarter to know what you're talking about before making any kind of comments!!!

She made those comments to a co-worker yesterday in front of the President of the company which makes me look bad...like I'm just coming in whatever time I want to. When that is in no way the case! If she had done her due diligence and spoke to my direct supervisor than she would have known that my supervisor and I came to a resolution of what my NEW schedule is going to be since I have to either pick up or drop off my son at daycare everyday.

The VP is upset because she wasn't kept in the loop as to my schedule...but in all reality...I don't have to relay that information to her. I don't have any dealings with her and if she had a question about my schedule...why wouldn't she ask my direct supervisor about it? The co-worker who brought this to my attention told me because the VP also made a comment about starting to doc "engineering's" pay for not being here at the mandated times.

So in an attempt to be proactive, I decided to forward the VP copies of the emails between myself and my supervisor stipulating my new work schedule. Did I need to do that? NO! And my supervisor said the same thing....her exact words were..."It's none of her freaking business what your schedule is! If she had questions about your hours....she should come to me....".

You see.....it's not just me wanting to be out of this company...the way this company operates is completely backwards! You have people in certain positions overstepping their bounds, racially motivated comments made in jest...and to top it all off...none of us are paid according to our true value. It's all good....for now I have to continue doing what's necessary to provide for my family....which involves dealing with the ridiculous crap that happens at this company....but hopefully I won't be here much longer.

**UPDATE**

When I forwarded those emails to the VP I made sure to put a read receipt on them, and sure enough I got read receipt messages in my inbox around 1pm today. Has she acknowledged the emails? Has she responded to them with even the slightest sense of understanding or appreciation for the fact that I divulged to her the reasons behind my needing to alter my schedule? (Although...seeing as she's not my direct supervisor...I didn't have to inform her of anything if I didn't want to.) NO! She doesn't acknowledge the emails, she doesn't respond to them, she doesn't say thank you for letting me know....even a sarcastic remark would have sufficed....because that's what I expect from her anyway. But I didn't even get that. What did I get? I got icy looks, the cold shoulder, ignored, however you want to put it...that's what I got. Even when I went so far as to say hello to her...she didn't even speak. In my opinion...that's just RUDE!

How can you consider yourself an adult and not acknowledge someone saying hello to you or even acknowledge the fact that they sent you an email? How childish do you have to be to allow the fact that you weren't kept in the loop (although it's not a loop you were supposed to be kept in) to affect you that deeply that you can't even muster the common decency to speak to someone when they speak to you? Bottom line...I'm done going above and beyond for this company. I come in early when needed, I stay late when needed....I deliver drawings and packages in my own vehicle when needed...but the second I need a little cooperation in my schedule...I get attitude from a higher up who really has NO say in whether that adjustment can be made to my schedule. As a matter of fact....I'm done worrying about her antics and how she's behaved like a child throughout this situation. In the long run....I'll get the last laugh.

A Little Irritated

Why is it that whenever you try to take a step forward...something happens to send you a few steps back? I know it can't be just me who endures things like this! Something has got to give...trying to make moves to better take care of my family and it just seems like everyday presents a new struggle and a different mountain to climb. Lord give me a sign that I'm at least moving in the right direction!

Daycare

Today is the first day that my son went to day care....and what made it worse is that I wasn't able to be there for it. Because of my job, I wasn't afforded the opportunity to be there to drop him off. Some may ask why is a three month old be dropped off at daycare? Well the simple answer is that we can't afford for my wife to NOT work. So until that time comes, the wife has to get back to work this week, which means little man has to be placed in daycare. The daycare he's going to is an official one....not just someone watching him. This woman does this as a business and has been for the last 15 years. She only takes 1 baby at a time and at the most only has 6 children in her care at any one time. So my son will be the only baby she has. I'm confident that he's going to be OK, and that she's going to take care of him as if he were her own son. At the same time though...I wish I didn't have to send him to daycare. I think about how things could have been if we'd still be in Delaware. Mainly I think about how things could have been if I'd worked harder at my last job in Delaware where I was making more than enough money to provide for my family without my wife working. Unfortunately, I put the fact that I got laid off from that job somewhat on my own shoulders. Oh how different things would have been had we had our son in Delaware while I was making that kind of money. Now being here in Florida, while I do love it here, the weather is awesome, as are the beaches, but the rates of pay for employees down here isn't even close to commensurate with an employees skills.

I guess that's just the way things are and I'll have to live with it. But anyone who knows me, knows that I won't just leave it as it is and keep mindlessly working toward fulfilling someone else's dreams like I am now with the current company with whom I'm employed. Soon....and I mean VERY SOON....I'll be working toward my own dream and be able to provide for my family in a way that means I won't have to rely on someone outside of my home watching my son during the day. My wife will be able to be at home for him. That's a guarantee!!!

Remember..."You're Worth It!"

J. Earl Smith
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
knourworth@hotmail.com
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495

Time Served.....Is That Enough?

A few months ago, I wrote a post disgusted at the way in which Chris Brown was carrying himself when he trashed an ABC studio in Manhattan, NY. I feel that the post was justified because at that time, he was acting like a spoiled rich kid with self-entitlement issues! (See post here http://tinyurl.com/3g5wcen)


But now my question is, when is enough enough? Chris Brown recently performed on The Today Show setting a record with 18,000 fans in attendance. However, that's not the story that Fox News decided to focus on. They attacked Chris Brown for his past mistakes and criticized NBC for allowing "such a person" to have as host Laura Ingraham called it..."top billing". She went on to say that by NBC allowing him to perform and that many fans showing up to support him, all of those people in effect were "rewarding bad behavior". You can see the Laura Ingraham story here (http://tinyurl.com/3vk4wzt).


Let's get this out of the way first....IN NO WAY TO I ADVOCATE WHAT CHRIS BROWN DID TO RIHANNA! I think it's abhorrent, deplorable, and down right evil to physically harm or abuse a woman.


But now that we're almost about 3 years past this incident between these two superstars...isn't it about time we move on? It certainly appears that Rihanna has moved on, and Chris is apparently trying to as well. But for some reason, certain media outlets just can't allow this to die down. They're still treating Chris like the events that took place in that car happened three weeks ago, not three years ago.


It kills me how so many in the news/media world have such STRONG beliefs and feelings toward Chris Brown even though he went through the judicial system, plead guilty, was sentenced and served that sentence. Now after he's completed his required community service, anger management, etc., there are still people who feel that he doesn't deserve to work again? He doesn't deserve to try to rebuild his career? He doesn't get to to back to having freeness of speech as an artist? 


Was it necessary for Fox to go out to where the "Today Show" was doing their concert to start asking fans if their being in attendance was "rewarding bad behavior"? Did they need to have a photo of a bruised and hurt Rihanna out on the street asking if Chris Brown deserves to have this kind of attention because of what he did to Rihanna? I think it's embarrassing that a station such as Fox would allow their show hosts to go so far as to call Chris Brown one of the most degrading misogynistic artists that are out today! Especially when there are many others much worse than Chris Brown.


Like I said before...I don't agree with, approve of, or support what Chris Brown did to Rihanna. And yes....I do believe he hit her. We don't know the full circumstances surrounding the events of that night....but regardless of that, he should have NEVER put his hands on her. At the same time though, isn't it a bit unfair and hypocritical to continue exacting more punishment on Chris Brown when he's already served his penalty as laid out by a judge? The media....ESPECIALLY FOX NEWS and Laura Ingraham....need to stop putting forth their own opinions and agendas (like how she plugged her book before ripping Chris Brown and NBC), and just report the facts. If you want to express your own personal views....write a blog or as you already did Laura Ingraham...write a book....but please don't put your biased thoughts and personal feelings/emotions out on a nationally televised show as if those are the facts and EVERYONE feels the same as you. And if there are people who feel different than you do, such as the 18,000 fans who supported Chris Brown on "The Today Show"....don't show up and try to rain on their parade and dissuade them from having their own thoughts, views, and feelings. After all....isn't this the land of FREEDOM? The land that millions around the world would give anything to get to...because of the freedoms even the most average citizen is afforded. Laura Ingraham....Fox News....you all should be ashamed of yourself for your shady reporting tactics and unwillingness to report facts and not opinions!


Remember...."You're Worth It".


J. Earl Smith
knourworth@hotmail.com
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495

To Protect & Serve or to Annoy & Harass?

Last night I was pulled over while driving my wife's car. The police said that they pulled me over for having an expired tag and that driving around with an expired tag is a felony for which I could have been arrested. So I decided to look up the penalties for driving with an expired tag and guess what I found? The fine for driving with an expired tag is just under $100, plus points on my license, unless I was to contest it then I'd have to pay court costs as well in court. Those penalties don't sound like I'd be getting arrested!

What it does sound like to me is the unending oppressive abuse of power that I've experienced many times before! Let's take a look at the scene....a man who's dressed in a suit, who has his wife and 2 month old baby with him, heading home after picking up dinner, wasn't speeding, didn't make an illegal turn, didn't run a red light, and who gave the officers no attitude whatsoever....why threaten said man with being arrested for having an expired tag? Did that man have anything in his background when you ran his ID that would suggest that you need to be that aggressive with him? Did he make any kind of snide remark to you...such as calling you a pig? Did he call you a donut wrangler? Did he cause any kind of commotion or make a scene? NO! He pulled over as soon as you said to, he gave you his ID, insurance, etc. upon request. All he did was follow your instructions.

Did I get a ticket last night??? NO...why? Because the Altamonte Springs Police Department is more about trying to build a reputation about themselves that they can do WHATEVER they want....WHENEVER they want! It's these kinds of things that make people not like the police. Granted, I know they do serve a purpose, but harassing people, wasting their time, and threatening them isn't called for! He had my family sitting in our car for close to 40 minutes last night as they ran my license....and checked my background and continued to ask me stupid questions...they even went so far as to come to the front of my vehicle to check the VIN number to make sure that I hadn't stolen the vehicle....ARE YOU KIDDING ME? So it's not enough that my name is on the insurance for this vehicle, or that my name is on the registration....YOU STILL HAVE TO "CHECK" TO MAKE SURE I DIDN'T STEAL THIS VEHICLE??? GET OUT OF HERE WITH THAT NONSENSE!!! Looking at me and my FAMILY....I really look like I fit the profile of a car thief??? Seriously? I'm just thankful that my 2 month old son isn't old enough to know what happened last night? And only hope that as he gets older, he won't have to deal with the profiling that his father has had to deal with throughout his life!

Stay safe out there.....Big brother isn't watching.....BUT THE POLICE ARE!!!

UPDATE:

Shockingly (not really) the police are at it again, harassing black people for no reason except this time it's not the Altamonte Springs Police Department....it's the Casselberry Police Department. I won't even bother trying to explain what happened. Just know it's way worse than the detaining my family and I faced back when my son was 2 months old. I think the video footage will speak for itself.

http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshh3kEqo5SGzrR7G0c5

Once again this shows that it doesn't matter if you know the law, or even if the police are committing a crime. If you're black....you're presumed guilty until proven innocent. Notice how once they've tasered him a couple times and he's then cuffed and on the ground, the police officer then sees that the black man who was minding his business is carrying a weapon.

Throughout the whole video the weapon was never shown, never brandished or anything like that. He's a licensed gun owner and has a license to carry a concealed weapon. So it's not like he had his gun out and the cops were reacting to seeing someone with a gun out. Like this video....

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPcvSsvEt2c

So not only was this white man reported as walking with his gun out, but upon the cops attempting to search him and seize his gun...a supervisor was called and the supervisor put an end to the unnecessary harassment and let the gentleman go on about his business.

My question is, why is there such a disparity between how whites and blacks are treated by the police? Someone called the cops about this white man walking with his gun out and was let go. The black man was questioned about crossing the street without having a "walk now" light. Did he really commit a crime? No, the first officer said himself he committed an infraction....and then proceeded to assault the victim by using a taser on him and attempting to arrest him. How can you charge him with resisting arrest when initially you said he wasn't under arrest and you just wanted his ID?

This is just another example of the Central Florida Police Department's abuse of their power in an attempt to strengthen their reputation in the community! The police officer followed his "suspect" across the street and waited for him to leave from cashing his check at Amscot and then began questioning him for NO REASON! Is this the society we have to live in? That a black man who's working, paying his taxes, and generally being a good citizen can be questioned, tased, and detained illegally just because a cop decides that he looks suspicious?

Being that I live in Central Florida....this increasing problem scares me, and has me wondering what kind of future my son will have if the police who are supposed to be "serving & protecting" can do as they please with little recourse to hold them accountable.

All the man asked was for the cop to provide him a statute requiring him to provide his identification...and the cop didn't even feel that he was required to do so. Which according to 2012 Florida Statute 856.021, The only time it's lawful for a police officer to demand/request someone's identification is when they're are loitering or prowling in a particular place, at a time or in a manner not usual for law-abiding individuals, or if the person takes flight upon the arrival of police on the scene.

No where in the entire statute does it REQUIRE an individual to identify themselves. Especially if they're told up front that they've done nothing wrong. Police ARE NOT lawfully allowed to request ID from someone in order to "rule out" that they've been involved in any criminal activity. There MUST BE suspicion of a criminal act having taken place, or proof that criminal activity is currently taking place.

I guess it's not enough to be black and know your rights anymore! Because at this time it really doesn't matter because even when we're right as black people....we're still getting tased!

The officers involved here probably won't receive any disciplinary action and will continue to harass any black person whom they care to! The worst of all is that requesting a supervisor to be called to the scene doesn't even get considered by these cops as something that's necessary on their part.


J. Earl Smith
knourworth@hotmail.com
@JSmith2523 on Twitter
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495

From a Woman's Perspective

Usually on "You're Worth It", the information and views expressed are strictly from a males perspective, well today I've decided to do something different. For the first time (and definitely not the last), we're going to have a female weigh in on some of the subjects that we've discussed in the past. I'd like to introduce Jill J.


Jill J. is a well known Psychologist and Writer in the Atlanta area. For many years she’s worked with individuals and couples helping them to have strong and trusting relationships. Her work is diverse, in all areas of the community with many varied types of clients, all races, all levels of income and education. Jill is known for her directness and ability to get to the heart of the matter in a quick and efficient manner. Here she takes the time to share some personal insight:

1) How important do you feel it is for two people to be friends before they are romantically involved?

I think if there is chemistry it should be explored and developed before true intimacy becomes a part of the relationship. Many times people get themselves in trouble by mistaking lust for more than what it is and this often leads to unrealistic expectations and assumptions. Ideally, I think it’s possible to build a romance and a friendship at the same time but both parties have to be willing to contribute to the “building”.

2) What do you feel is the most important attribute to a successful relationship?

Bar none-Communication! I’m talking no holds barred open and direct communication.  You cannot have trust, affection, understanding, growth, or any vital characteristic of any authentic relationship without good communication. I’m talking communication where you can openly and honestly be yourself and express your true thoughts. Too many people, and I will generalize here…a lot of men, make the mistake of always being careful to tell their partner what they think their partner wants to hear. That always, always backfires in the end. If you have to wear kid gloves with the person you are with, guess what….Number One: You do NOT have an authentic relationship and Number Two: You are never going to be happy and will always feel resentful and frustrated. 

3) Do you feel it's someones responsibility to help boost their partner's self-esteem?

I do not think it is anyone’s responsibility to babysit anyone else’s ego.  I think if we truly love a person then “lifting them up” is something that comes naturally as part of our love for them.  I think we want to make them feel good and show them that we are proud of them, respect them and feel blessed to have them in our lives. That’s on the deepest level of love and if the love is real then this will happen without forethought or effort. Now as far as the silly stuff, i.e. “Does this make me look fat?” or “Was his bigger than mine?” I’m afraid you might not like what I have to say to that—Don’t ask those kind of questions if you don’t want to get your feelings hurt. Period.  All of us have insecurities and we always will but it is not healthy or realistic to think that anyone else can fix those for us or make them go away. If I am with you, I really want you to be stronger than that.  I’ll respect you more if you don’t ask those kind of questions.

4) Do you believe it's possible to place undue expectations on a new partner?

Yes I do. One of the biggest mistakes people make in a new relationship is bringing the garbage from their previous relationship with them and with that garbage also come the expectations of what is ideal. When we find a new person we want to see that ideal, we long to see that all of the things that were wrong with our previous Mr. or Ms. are all of the things that are right about our current one. Whether we want to admit it or not, many of us all base what we expect of our partner’s from what we grew up seeing in our parents or in the people who raised us. That’s why children of abused parents often pair with or marry abusers. It’s what they know. I think it’s healthy to outline expectations ahead of time. Certainly not the first few dates or even the first few months, but when you get to the point where you are assuming you’re exclusive with the other person it’s time to talk. Pay attention here- I said when YOU get to the point where YOU THINK you are exclusive”.  It’s important in any new relationship to monitor your own thoughts. Listen to the tape that’s playing in your head (not in  your heart and not in your pants) and you decide when it’s time to discuss expectations, boundaries, the future, etc.  Also, be willing to take time to examine your expectations, decide if they are realistic, if they are truly what you expect or are they just based on things that upset you in a past relationship that have nothing to do with your current situation. This is important for two reasons, once you know what you expect you can move forward authentically in a realistic way and also you may find that going forward could be a mistake. It’s always better to know sooner than later.

5) Do you subscribe to the reasoning "once a cheater, always a cheater"?
Yes and No. Yes because a it’s a proven fact that a person’s past behavior is the best indicator of what their future behavior will be. No because I believe that if the price is too high for someone, when it finally costs too much they can put that in the past and it can become a road they never want to go back down. That being said, I don’t think this happens very often but I have seen it and it’s a wonderful thing to witness; a person driven by that behavior turned into a person who’s disgusted by it.

6) In your opinion what's the difference between love & infatuation?

Love lasts, infatuation does not.  Love is internal, infatuation is external. Love comes from the inside out; infatuation comes from the outside in. They often feel the same and we confuse them as such.  Love sticks around regardless of what comes, infatuation does not. You can love someone and dislike them at the same time but you cannot be infatuated with anyone and feel dislike toward them at the same time. Once we feel that dislike, disgust, disillusionment we want to get away, we want to make a change. That’s how we know, it’s not true love. True love is a lot more accepting than infatuation.

7) Is it possible to have sex too soon in a relationship?

It depends on the goal. If you want long term, then build a friendship first. If you want just fun, it doesn’t matter. Make sure you and the other person involved agree on this before you act.

There you have if straight from a recognized and respected psychologist. I guess my opinions weren't that far off base!

I want to thank Jill J. for agreeing to this interview and making herself available to do it so quickly. Jill...you're awesome. Jill J. can be reached via Twitter: @IJCJ.

Hopefully, what you've read in this interview will help in you learn your true worth in your own relationships.

Remember...."You're Worth It".

J. Earl Smith

@JSmith2523 on Twitter

knourworth@hotmail.com

www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495

Interracial Relationships???

Can someone explain to me how it is that we're currently in 2011 and there are still people out here who feel that interracial dating is wrong?

I heard this brought up as an issue on a popular NY radio morning show. There was a young black woman who was being cheated on by her husband. The husband was cheating on his wife with a white woman and had fathered a little boy with her, while he and his wife had no children but were trying to start a family. Initially I really felt sorry for the wife who was being cheated on because her husband's extra marital affair had been going on for over two years. But my pity and compassion for the embittered wife quickly turned to dismay upon her reaction...not in anger, not toward her unfaithful husband but toward his mistress! And her anger wasn't simply from the heartbreak of being cheated on, her anger toward the woman took an ugly hateful turn toward being racially motivated.

Although obviously angry at the situation that she's been thrust into live on national radio, her responses were uncalled for. She insinuated that all "white girls" were whores (her words not mine) who'd have sex with anyone and that because white girls will give it up to anyone, it's a possibility that any of the black players on his football team could have fathered her child!

Now I understand that she's angry....but why turn it personal against the woman who's trying to inform you that your husband has been lying to you? Was it really necessary to say that she feels "all white girls" are whores, or that they all sleep around? Not in my opinion...because that just not true, and it's incredibly inflammatory to cast such a broad generalized stereotype about a certain race of people! Now the husband that was cheating, claimed that it was a one-time thing and that he doesn't have a relationship with the "alleged" mistress. So the mistress speaks up and says "so I don't matter...we were a one-time thing, how is that when I cook for you every other night? Without hesitation, the wife jumps in..."see, now I know you lying...white girls don't cook...they only good for you know."

That whole situation got me thinking...why are there some black people so opposed to dating outside of their own race/nationality? I've been in this debate with many a person and there's nothing logical that anyone can say as to why interracial dating is wrong! I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. Why continue spreading hatred and inequality through our society...isn't there enough of that already? I interviewed a few black women that very question and I was quite surprised by the reasoning behind some of their responses. There were quite a few who felt that interracial dating/marriage was wrong or inappropriate. While none of them could give me a good explanation of their feelings, most of them had some previous personal issue with a woman or women of a different race, or they were raised to think or feel a certain way. Now me personally, I see absolutely nothing wrong with interracial dating/marriage. And when I brought up that point to these various ladies, they all responded by saying that my opinion didn't count because I married a black woman. While that is true, that's not to say that I've never dated a woman of another race. The last serious girlfriend I had before I met my wife was Italian. And there were a slew of other nationalities that I've dated in the past. I guess it's just the way I was raised. My mom instilled in me the mentality that no one is better than someone else because of their gender, race, or background! While, yes, I married a black woman, I didn't marry her because she was black, I married her because she's the woman I fell in love with. If the aforementioned Italian girl hadn't had so many emotional and family problems and wasn't looking to me to be some kind of knight in shining armor to come rescue her, who's to say that I wouldn't have fallen in love with her and things wouldn't have worked out differently.

Anyway, as I previously stated, we're in 2011. This is not 1960's Mississippi where even common amenities are segregated. Blacks and women can vote, women aren't strictly meant to be housewives, and hey there's even a black president! So if time has seen those things come to an change for the better...isn't it about time to get rid of this absolutely asinine mode of thinking that people should only date or marry within their own race?

Remember....."You're Worth It"

Find me @JSmith2523 on Twitter
www.learntoknowurworth.blogspot.com
www.smashwords.com/books/view/24495