Emotional Distance....Emotional Infidelity

Emontional distance in a relationship is a clear sign that there's a problem. Regardless of whether someone's always been an "independent" person....once in a relationship, you should see the shift from handling things on your own or only depending on yourself to an interchange of support and encouragement between you and your partner.

If for some reason you're not feeling that connection....you may want to do some digging and find out why there seems to be this void between you and your partner.

It's sad to say....but when someone begins emotionally distancing themselves from their partner....it's usually because they are connecting on an emotional level with someone else. Some will say that they're just handling things within themselves....but usually that doesn't cause someone to withdraw from their partner. The withdrawing usually begins once they feel that their partner doesn't "understand" them anymore or they're not feeling the same support they used to feel from their partner.

This is especially dangerous because this can lead to Emotional Infidelity. This is a betrayal of your partner's trust even though it's not on the same level as a "real" affair with physical intimacy and sex. While it doesn't necessarily break spoken vows, it can be as devestating to a relationship as physical intimacy/unfaithfulness.

Be careful of the casual chat rooms and social networking sites....because what starts as a simple conversation on a common interest can soon turn into having a "need" to talk to that person on the other end of the computer....more than the need to interract with your own partner. The view of the person on the other end of the computer connection can become distorted and more important than the relationship you've built with your partner. Social networking sites are great if used for their intended purpose and kept in their proper place. If spending more time on your social networking site of choice is more important to you than spending time with your partner....you won't have a partner for long. Don't be naive and say it couldn't happen to you....it happens to people around the world everyday...it doesn't only have to be social networking sites. This applies to emails from "old friends" co-workers that we're a little too friendly with, or people we don't even know who become "friends" of ours. Bottom line: BE CAREFUL!!! As my mom always told me....."Make sure the choices you make today.....are choices you can live with tomorrow!"

Remember.....You're Worth It.....But so is your RELATIONSHIP!!!

J. Earl Smith

Keeping an Ex as a friend.....

I've heard many different people's opinions on this topic over the last few years. And I've come to the conclusion that there is no one right way of handling a situation like this. For some, having an ex remain a friend of theirs isn't too big of a deal....to others it's a huge deal. There are various reasons that each of these groups of people feel this way.

I personally don't think that it's necessarily the best idea to keep an ex around as a friend....because there's always that sneaking possibility that they're coming back into your life now as a result of things not going well in theirs. I've seen this first hand with people I know. And a few of them didn't handle the situation in a good way....and it eventually ruined their current relationship.

First and foremost, if an ex contacts you.....it'd probably be best to make it known what your parameters are for communicating with them. Let them know that they can't call you after certain hours....and that communication can't be too frequent. On top of that, certain topics HAVE to be steered away from. If they truly want to just be friends....they should understand that and have no problems adhering to your stipulations. If they can't do that...or voice problems with your boundaries....then you might want to re-evaluate whether or not it's worth trying to maintain that friendship.

It's sad to say but there are alot of people out there that would try to use "rekindling a friendship" as a devisive/back door way to come between you and your partner.....keep your eyes open....don't always listen to what's said, anyone can say the right things to try to pull on the strings of your heart....actions always speak louder than words! And if they act like it bothers them that you're happy in your relationship....then they're not a true friend.....ARE THEY???

Remember.....You're Worth It.

J. Earl Smith.

Volume 1 of the Book is on the way!

The first installment of my series...."You're Worth It" has been completed and I've already picked up my sample copies of the first volume. The idea that started over two years ago and has been accomplished through many long labored nights has finally materialized for me. I'm in the process of working on a distribution deal for Volume 1....and the other volumes to follow and there'll be four volumes total.

I've already started on the other volumes of my "You're Worth It" series. So those should be ready to go in about four to six months.

I'm in the process of talking with another writer to collaborate on a fictional "coming of age" book, that with any luck we'll be able to get the rights to it bought, so that it can be turned into a movie. We'll see how things go.....and of course....I'll keep you all posted.

Remember......You're Worth It.

J. Earl Smith